Tick Tock

Fuck this clock, man…no but seriously…fuck…this…clock.

That sentence explains every humans experience. It’s a looming sound and circular vision that haunts are every waking moment. It determines what we think ,do and contemplate.

What’s our reason for existing today? What is your purpose this morning? Are you being productive? Are you doing enough to be living the full experience?

I’ve reached a stand still in my creativity lately and whilst it’s been good to get back to life and overall freedoms of living post Covid. It’s not getting me anywhere. If I stop , there’s no creativity. What I need is time and lots of it. I need to stay 21 forever and pause time for atleast a year so I can’t get some shit done then spend another year promoting it!

Because that’s what you gotta do isn’t it? But in a world we’re one person should do all things your having to not only create but be your own manager , promoter , sound technician etc etc.

There’s not enough time. Conglomerates and big companies use time to exploit you. It’s true. Come on times ticking! Go! Go! Go!. The harder you work the more chance of success.

I’ve worked and worked and worked my whole life. Nothing handed to me. Nothing dropped on my lap by parents,friends or rich sugar daddies. Just little old me. In my normal everyday life I’ve done ok I’ve got my house a good job and married. But in my creative,we’ll I guess I thought if I have the talent then surely the work won’t be or feel as hard or perspiring as my normal life.

Funny right? Perhaps I thought I’d get in a little easier or find my “tribe”. But it’s not real. Is it! It’s all an illusion bound by luck and a whim. You could be thee most talented person out there but unless one person decides it’s you they want. It’s never gonna happen for you and that’s the bottom line.

Im sorry to be dragging yet another depressing blog guys but I’m am so SICK of lies throughout platforms and media and television. Sick to death of stupid artists making vague and empty quotes with no importance.

The internet was a curse disguised as a blessing. It’s watered down every aspect of creativity there is and spewed it out into some sort of blob of nothingness. People are literally becoming famous for absoloute crap! Period.

We spout a claim of equality, investing in talent and helping people get a leg up and it’s all bullshit. It’s something people say when they want to sound valued or of importance or a “role model” but realistically they help not a damn person. We have people in this world that could solve 3rd world hunger …case and point.

I have an EP I’m creating but atm I have stopped , I stopped my radio show and my artwork along with any form or interaction with fans or other artists because I’m losing hope in all of it. It’s starting to feel more like a distraction from life than a purpose in one.

Nobody will listen, but, watch unless they’re getting something out of it. Which is funny because they are the same artists who sit by themselves and watch a movie that actors benefit from. For no good reason. Unsolicited support for a screen and actor. But pay “me” for promotion, write me or creat me something for free…no thanks.

I really do hope that someday I will return to this and laugh but at the moment I’m simmering In the upset so please indulge. I’m also struggling with what I’m doing with myself as a person. Knowing how hard every avenue is going to be for me now that I’m in my 30s puts me off entirely from any venture I’m usually excited by. I’m confused by the relationships I have with people and the company I keep. I wonder why I stick around sometimes or why I’m such a fool for peoples words and promises.

It’s a strange dance because only last week I was in Paris having a lovely time and enjoying some freedom but now I’m questioning is that freedom? Is working 9-5 for 364 days a year and only having 4 weeks off FREEDOM? Is only being able to afford a small day trip rather than a travel around the globe because of mortgages, bills,commitments and restrictions freedom?

If I only I had enough time to figure out this riddle of hypocrisy and control. Oh yeah, I forgot…fuck time.


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